Blind Date

Oh, I had such a marvellous time yesterday! Do other escorts have as much fun as I do, or am I just one of the lucky ones? This time, I was a blind date escort, and I must say that these client/escort dates keep getting better.

I had my dinner last night at Dans Le Noir—the pitch-black dining experience of French cuisine on Clerkenwell Green, near Holborn and Farringdon in East London. I had been wanting to go to this restaurant for ages. Sadly, I had no one to go with, as many of my friends would rather die than come out of a posh restaurant with food down their throats. Furthermore, none of my clients had ever mentioned it. Despite my pleas for organic ingredients and four surprise menus, no one was willing to bite. Then came Sam - Ah, Sam, with his tousled fair hair and bright blue eyes. He looked like Michelangelo had modelled 'David' on him. I was blown away by how beautiful he was. And yes, I did wonder why such a gorgeous man would want to pay for an escort in London when he probably had a diary full of offers from admiring females. Still, who was I to argue?

So off we went, and blind guides showed us to our table, which I thought was terrific and very appropriate. These guides were also there to help us completely reevaluate the notions of taste and smell through the restaurant's gastronomic and pedagogical process—the meaning of which I have yet to fathom. Still, I can tell you what the whole blind date escort experience was like, so here goes.

OK, it's dark. It's not gloomy- I will eventually become accustomed to this- but PITCH BLACK! To be seated, we had to be accompanied by our blind waiter and hold onto the shoulder of the person in front of us. Having previously chosen from colour-coded menus and then stowed our belongings away in lockers, we were seated. I had an unnerving urge to giggle and compare the darkness behind my eyelids with my eyes fully open. Sam indulged my foot under the table and said softly, "Kinda erotic". Although I was inclined to agree, the infrared cameras would pick up any hanky-panky, and I told him so.

Our dining experience was unlike anything I had experienced before, as I had to rely solely on my nose and palate. Additionally, it was also quite messy. I spilt my wine into the water and dropped my fork, never to be found again. As a result, I had to ask for another. People were encouraged not to talk too loudly to their companions (why do we over-compensate with volume to make ourselves understood, anyway?), and one man had a panic attack and had to be escorted from the building - shame. But I did identify the content of my plate correctly to the chef afterwards - a little Ostrich and Venison. Hurrah!

I would give it an 8 out of 10, mostly because I was freaked out, as I'm not good with new 'trippy' experiences. Also, I came out looking like I had been fed in a high chair! Sam loved his blind date escort experience, though, and he looked even more beautiful with food on his chin!