My extremely colourful C.V

I often wonder if I were to write a CV for myself now, what I could write on it. I have many talents that don't come with certificates. I can do a fabulous, relaxing massage, I have learned to be a personal shopper in some of London’s most fantastic shops, and I have also picked up a lot of information when visiting Galleries and Museums to be a pretty darn convincing curator, Still, the best and most useful new skill is my near fluency in French, Spanish and Italian.

Now, these languages haven't been taught to me in a classroom; hence, they do not come with a piece of paper stating my grades or qualifications. These practical dialects have been picked up by spending many weekends in Paris, Madrid or Rome, simply shopping or dining out and listening intently to my companions. Anton has taught me many a handy phrase while whisking me away from his Belgravia mansion to his Paris apartment. As enjoyable as his business meetings are, I learned early on to latch onto his colleague's "girlfriends" and listen to their general musings about their partners, shoes, and fashion don'ts. Now, I can most ce own in any designer couture store, and I don't need any interpreter. 

Juan has educated me in Spanish and Italian. He started by teaching me the basics in the language of lust, which we have tried and tested on many occasions in his Surrey mansion, on his private jet, and in his Madrid penthouse. So, again, I have listened, observed and practised my romantic drawl, whispering in Juan's ear, and he has added some non-smutty words to my vocab to set me up for the big wide world.

So if this London escort were to write a CV, I would have to write under the personal statement, "Fluent in French, Spanish and Italian, learned on my travels". It's not a lie, but backpacking would have to be my story...and I'm sticking to it.